Hello my name is Ariana and I am 21 years old. I am going to University in a couple of weeks and I never imagined I could be successful.
When I was born I was given away to a man who abused me physically and sexually every day. It was very intense and the people I told did nothing to help me at all. I have been raped by this man too.
I loved school it was my oasis. I loved sport. I did netball and gymnastics for the country. I guess being tall and skinny helped me in some ways. My abuser who I call 'him' or the 'monster' got in from work at 6:30pm every day and from 7pm untill 7am the next day would violently beat me up with belts, sticks, pans, bottles, whips e.t.c. He would tie me up to hooks on the wall and beat my naked body. After 7am he would carry me upstairs and tie my arms to the bed and sexually abuse me and rape me every morning. I coped my shutting everything out when I was at school. I got pregant by him when I was eleven years old in year 7 at school. I miscarried. When I was 16 I got stabbed and my heart stopped. I was in hospital for 3 months. When I finished my exams I got a job and left school suddenly just before my 17 birthday. I lived in and worked at an Outward Bound Centre as a general assistant for 2 years. In December 1995 when I was 18 he commited suicide by gassing ! himself in a car. I found him and tried to resuscitate him but he died.
I feel mixed up, guilty for not saving his life even though I hated him as much as I could ever imagine hating anyone. When I had started the job he still came after me and raped me and I didn't know what to do. I feel relieved that he is gone out of my life and hate him for what he did to me but I will not let him rule my life forever I am just finding it difficult at the moment. I have just finished a two year college course to get me into University and I was successful at it achieveing high grades that I never thought I would be able to do. Since the monster I have been raped by what I thought was a loving boyfriend in 1996 and by a stranger in September 1997 and again by a stranger in June 1998 just before completing my college course. I live in a rough area where there are lots of drugs and attacks. When I was at school I was raped by the school counsellor who got the sack for that attack and others on year 7 girls. In December 1996 my best friend Clare died in a ! car crash she was in the same year at school as me but would be 22 this September where as I am 22 next year. I am looking forward to going to University and am ambitious and determined to do well for myself. When I am older I want to counsel others who have been abused and take an active role in University life.
Even though I find things difficult I know deep down I will be OK. He always said I wouldn't make anything of myself and that I wasn't worth anything. I want to prove him wrong. When I am older I want to write a book about my life but that will have to be on hold for now. If there is anyone thinking that life isn't worth it then think again because I appreciate how precious it really is. We are only given one chance. However decent childhoods which should be taken for granted are not available for all unfortunately. But as an adult I have chances to make by own life, be my own dictator and not be dictated too. I will be happy and I have a burning desire to help others. If anyone wants to respond please do.
We can and will all be survivors. We can be stronger by helping each other and that is my aim.
Please contact me and I will be happy to get back to you. Take care and value your life like it is a precious star.
Ariana
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