Author's Note To read the story of the abuse and denial that prompted me to write a letter like this to my mother, refer to Once Upon Opening Pandora's Box.
Mother -
I made a belated 60th birthday wish for you -
that you would learn to
love yourself. You attempt to fill that
tremendous vacancy in your
heart with the adoration of others, but when you
procure their love -
you know that it's only bestowed upon the
immensely deceptive image
you project, and it's absolutely meaningless. You
need to introduce
others to your true self, which would enable you
to initiate
abandoning the "glass house". Your lies are the
double-edged weapons
that make you vulnerable and lonely, as they
inescapably cut both
ways. You prevaricate because you're afraid of
what could be revealed
and what others will think of you. Every time
you weave a
fabrication, your apprehensiveness grows
stronger. Lying is a very
potent form of "evil magic", and it acquires a
life of it's own. If
honestly can be assimilated into your self-image,
you will ultimately
begin to find what you seek. Genuine affection
isn't something you
can obtain by manipulation or beguilement. You
can gain love only by
giving love, dependably and faithfully, and it's
impossible to
actually love anyone else until you have reason
to love and respect
yourself.
- by Wendy on 2/12/98
Please visit this author's site. Letter to My Nefarious Mother is a mirror of one of her essays.
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