Bloody Catholics

Husband: Graham Chapman

Wife: Eric Idle

Husband: Look at them, bloody Catholics filling up the bloody world full of bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.

Wife: What are we dear?

Husband: Protestant! And fiercely proud of it.

Wife: Why do they have so many children?

Husband: Because, every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby.

Wife: But it's the same with us Harry.

Husband: What do you mean?

Wife: Well I mean we have two children, and we've had sexual intercourse twice.

Husband: That's not the point, we could have it any time we wanted.

Wife: Really?

Husband: Oh yes, and once more since we don't believe in all that papist clap-trap, we can take precautions.

Wife: What do you mean? Lock the door?

Husband: No, no, I mean because we are members of the protestant reformed church, which successfully challenged the autocratic power of the papacy in the mid 16th century, we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue.

Wife: What do you mean?

Husband: I could if I wanted have sexual intercourse with you...

Wife: ...oh yes Harry...

Husband: ...and by wearing a rubber sheath over my old-fella, I could insure that when I came up, you would not be impregnated.

Wife: Ohh!

Husband: That's what being a protestant is all about, that's why it's the church for me, that's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual, and the individual's rights to decide for him or her self. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in 1517, he may not have realized the full significance of what he was doing. BUT 400 years later thanks to him my dear, I can wear what ever I want to on my John Thomas, and prodo- stantism doesn't stop with a simple condom, oh no, I can wear French Ticklers if I want.

Wife: You what?

Husband: French Ticklers, Black Mambos, Crocodile Ribs, sheaths that are not only designed to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress.

Wife: Have you got one?

Husband: Have I got one, well.. no, but I can go down the road anytime I want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a loud and steady voice, "Harry, I want you to sell me a condom, in fact today I think I'll have a French Tickler for I am a protestant."

Wife: Well why don't you?!

Husband: But they, they cannot, because their church never made the great leap out of the middle ages and the domination of alien Episcopal supremacy.