Possibilities and Consequences
"You left me."
Reiko regarded the kitsune who had been known as Ito calmly. "I did. But it was either that or kill you."
The other kitsune was shaking, arms wrapped around herself, whether from fear or rage Reiko couldn't guess. "But why? I trusted you! I did nothing wrong! But you drug me and take me to the Demonbane, where I am woken and given a choice--die, or live as you do, able to feel the consequences of my actions, tied to another for the rest of my life. And then he changed me. Why did you give me to him?
"Do you remember us hunting?"
"Yes, but I don't see what that has to do with this."
"It has everything to do with it. We hunted, you fed on a girl named Suki. You fell asleep, as I nearly did. Then something within you woke. It took you over. It poisoned Suki, and then left to go meet with a wu jen named Akemi. And you betrayed us. You told them everything you knew from the last month you have been with us. I had to talk fast to stop my mortals from killing you outright, because of it. As a compromise, we were to keep you sleeping, bring you here, and try to convince the Demonbane to put you right."
She raised her hands before her face, clutching at the air. "He shaped my body so it matched my soul, but how much did it cost? There are these new things I feel. And I hear things. What did he take from me? What are we, Reiko? We are no longer foxes, are we?"
"Ssssh. Sit. Please." Reiko drew the other kitsune down into her arms, sitting on the matting, cradling her against her chest, stroking her hair. "The cost was taken equally from us both, I think. But you live. You chose to live. You must find life sweet, to choose it, and trust me when I say that no matter how much my father goads me, I have yet to find the place where death is preferable to life."
"I live, but what price? What did my life cost?"
"Nothing that you and I cannot pay. The things you feel, those are the price. And your link with me, that's the price I paid. It was enough. We'll live, young one. We'll live."
The young fox was shivering in her arms. "A name. Will you give me a name, Reiko? I am no longer Ito; the Demonbane killed him."
Reiko thought. A name seemed the least important thing right now, but if it would comfort her.... She thought back to another bright afternoon, much like this one, when her son had been given to her for the first time, after a night and a day of painful labor. That was the only other time she had named another being, and then the name had come to her easily. Now...
She kissed the top of the other kitsune's head. Her black hair flowed over her almost like water. "Taura. It means many rivers. A river can change its shape many times and still be the same river. Like you."
The other kitsune stilled, thinking, then nodded. "Taura." She shaped the three syllables in her mouth. "Taura. It is a good name. I think it is mine. And a family name? Shall I take yours?"
Reiko chuckled. "Which one? I can claim three. I am not sure you would wish to take Takumi--even if the Demonbane did make you." At Taura's shudder, she said, "I thought so. And I would be careful about claiming Iyotushi. Han, then? It is an assumed name, but it seems to have become more mine than anything else. Han Taura. Do you like it?"
Her soft voice replied. "I do. I think. It will take me a while to get used to it. But, now...I feel at home in this body. I never knew that I did not, before." She shifted against Reiko, her fit of shivering nearly forgotten. "I don't understand this body's desires, not yet, but I think that understanding will come easily."
"You've much to learn. Will you stay with us while you do?"
"I think this is the only place where I will live long enough to learn who I am now, and what I am to do with myself. I don't know anything other than the hunt, and death. I feel as if there is more than that, but what? And I feel something strange. About that girl, Suki, who I poisoned. It is as if there is something about her memory that tears at me. It hurts, Reiko. Why does it hurt? What is wrong with me?"
"It's called guilt, and it's a human thing, inflicted on us by the Demonbane. What we do, who we are, causes pain to those we feed on and those we kill. And, so, now to us. We know what we have done, and we are sorry for it. You'll get used to it."
Taura pulled at Reiko's sleeve, pulling it up over her bare arm and the cuts healing there. "Like you've gotten used to it? Will I wish to mar myself, as well?"
Now Reiko was shivering, reaching for words, for explanations. "I am paying back a debt of pain and blood to my father. He has been paying the price for what I have done. He has robbed me of the chance to pay for my own guilt. So I take it back from him. It's the only thing I can do." She thought about, but didn't mention, the release that accompanied the cuts, the blood. It was almost sexual, the pain and what it brought her. Almost as cleansing as climax, letting the conflicting emotions pour out of her.
"It makes no sense. The price has already been paid. Why pay it again?"
Reiko sighed. "I can't explain it. You may learn why, some day, but I hope you don't. Let's leave it lie, all right?" She tugged the sleeve back down over her arm. The other kitsune smelled sweet, like plum blossoms and spring wind. She felt hunger stir within herself, and let it be itself, otherwise ignoring it. She asked, "How did the Demonbane treat you?"
"He was not cruel to me. Not kind, in any manner, but not cruel. I might have been no more than a vase or a stone to him. I think even you are a thing to him, a monster, a demon."
"I'm sure I am. I am not certain he could torment me as he does if he thought I was as much of a person as he was."
Taura sighed and curled closer to Reiko. "I wish we didn't have to travel with the Thrykreen. They scare me. Especially the one who leads them. He watches you, did you know that? Whenever you're not looking his direction, he watches you. I wonder why."
"I don't know why, either." She looked down; Taura was braiding the ends of their hair together, seemingly without thought. "But I am not certain that I am so frightened of him, any more. I had a conversation with him the other day, and when I was injured and fell during the battle, he picked me up and gave me a healing potion." She trailed off, thinking of the moment that she'd opened her eyes to find herself in Jeron's arms. He never changed shape, she realized. He fought as a human, not a mantid, unlike the rest of his brethren. His eyes, up close, had been a crystalline blue.
"He healed you? I thought his kind were sworn to kill us? Why would he have helped you?"
"I don't know. He seems to like me, for some reason. And...I understand, now, why we are so vulnerable to the mantids in their human form, now that I've touched him. They have energy, life energy, running on the outside of their bodies. I don't know for sure, but I think we may be able to feed on them without sleeping with them. Or it may be a trick, to tempt us into getting close to them, within reach of their blades. I am...curious as to which it is."
Taura blinked. "Surely you can't be thinking of getting close enough to find out?"
"It would take so little to find out. He would merely need to consent to let me lay my hands on him for a few minutes. I could find out and be done with it." Her eyes gazed off into the distance.
The other kitsune sat up. "But you won't be able to leave it there, will you?"
"What do you mean? Of course I'd leave it there. He's a Thrykreen. Different from the rest, but still a mantid. I would touch him, try to feed from him, and see if it could be accomplished without harming him. That's all. Our races are enemies. I do not forget that even for a second."
No matter how handsome he is, no matter how pleasant waking to find myself looking into his eyes was. He is my father's creature, and I think the Demonbane is incapable of giving a gift that contains neither price nor trap. Yet the thought lingered, at the back of her mind.
Taura's green eyes were thoughtful. "I wonder what it would be like, to feed without sex. I can never separate the pleasure of the sex from the pleasure of feeding. It would be interesting to find out if the two pleasures are different, and if feeding without sex also feels good to the other party."
"Or if the feeding would not draw upon his own life force. Wouldn't it be fine, to be involved with someone who you couldn't kill accidentally? It's why kitsune enjoy each other's company so. That and we understand each other. If I were to curl up on the laps of my mortals, misunderstandings would certainly ensue."
They would at that. Setto's voice came from her right, and she turned her head to look at him. Rei, leave the Thrykreen alone. It isn't worth it.
She snorted softly at him. "You're no fun, husband."
Taura blinked, and asked, "What?"
"Setto chose to interject. He agrees with you. There are so many mysteries there that it is difficult not to be curious, but you're both right. He's too dangerous."
"Besides, if you were to die...what would happen to me? I think their affection for you is the only reason your mortals tolerate my presence. Don't leave me. Not yet, not before I've learned what I need to know." The other kitsune curled her body around Reiko's, pulling her close.
Scarlet silk against blue, the two foxes curled together in the warmth of the afternoon. They were silent and still for long minutes, taking comfort in simple touch. Taura murmured, "Yes, the desires of this body are strange, indeed. Or perhaps not so strange, considering what we have been to each other. Would you teach me, then?"
Reiko chuckled, low in her throat. Propping herself on one elbow, she looked down into Taura's eyes. "I thought you would never ask." And then she lowered her lips to Taura's, kissing her, the flame between them kindling once more.