12/27/1347
Madrid
There is someone following me through my dreams.
I am dreaming more and more clearly, now, and last night there was someone following me. I heard her speaking to someone else, another woman, who said that if she caught me, I would die in my sleep. Who was it? How was she following me? I could swear the one following me didn't mean me any harm--we met briefly, at the last--but the other one's voice was cold and dark and malicious.
I need to remember to ask Arnie whether he knows anything about chasing people through dreams. And how to keep them from following me.
As for the real world...
I woke today with the urgent knowledge that we had to find the kidnapped clerics, and right away; they were due to be taken somewhere by Arumaga. There were more than just the two--there were sixteen, not all of them clerics, but all of them Epona's children. I had an approximate fix on where they were, and after doing a quick consultation it was off to Andorra with us.
I'd never been to Andorra before, despite the fact that it's near where I grew up. It would have been nicer had it not been winter in the Pyrenees. Why can't we ever have to do things in places that are *warm*? I've never been so cold for so long in my entire life.
(Though! It being cold is a good excuse to curl up in bed with Galvin and lots and lots of blankets. I enjoy that part, quite a bit. Things with him are really rather lovely, and I'm learning all sorts of things through direct experience that I only had theory on before.)
It turns out that the clerics were being held in an old temple of Epona that was carved out of the heart of a mountain called Pedrosa. Arumaga, it turns out, used to be a cleric of Epona, until his wife and child were killed by raiders, whereupon he went quite mad. I would feel sorry for him, actually, if he weren't trying to kill me. It's a little difficult to fear someone who wears funny little glasses for reading, honestly.
First Malik, then Arumaga. Are all of these people insane? Well, Tennant isn't, as far as we know. Yet.
Excalibur is continuing to be problematic. Excalibur sent Jaenus a note telling her and her werewolves to meet us in Andorra. when asked, the sword replied, "A king needs an army, and I am the Kingsword." A shiver ran up my spine at that. I don't envy Gavião, having to wrestle with that thing every single day. At least Tuck likes me, even if I *do* have to wrap the staff up when I go to bed, lest he serenade me with dirty songs and lewd remarks when I'm trying to get on with, ah, other things.
I think there may need to be an accident with an orb and Excalibur sometime soon, honestly. I haven't made up my mind yet, but...I really do hate it. There is such a thing as being *too* good, and I don't think it has much tolerance for the grey areas we're walking through. And neither does Gavião, right now.
There isn't a clear-cut right thing to do, there are no laws where we're walking. There don't need to be.
You can't explain that to Excalibur, though.
Anyway, in we went into the heart of the mountain. Things were going pretty well, until Riyor, with characteristic surfeit of luck both good and bad, accidentally opened a door that called Arumaga back from town. What followed was...not good. We fought Arumaga, and didn't do too badly for ourselves as far as I could tell. But then Arumaga triggered the trap that caused the building to come crashing in on itself. Galvin and I got caught in the rubble, but we managed to extricate ourselves. Gavião took off after the dragon, who by the time he caught up with him, was in full dragon form.
Gavião seems a little reluctant to talk about it, but Gaius was there, and said that the dragon ripped apart Gavião as easily as you'd slice an apple in half. Fortunately, he had the ring of Ra on, and death didn't really take, so to speak--but by the time Gavião woke back up, Arumaga was gone.
Aiden, being the helpful sort that he is, d-doored all of Epona's children out of the rock pile we'd gotten buried under. Out of sixteen, we'd lost one before we got there, and ten survived the collapse of the building. More bodies to bury, and some of these genuine innocent bystanders, kids who happened to be half divine. There was a girl of about twelve who broke my heart--she was one of those that had been there for the longest, and Arumaga killed her entire family in front of her. And she's just...alone. She's so remote, nothing touches her. I don't know any healings that can put a broken soul back together, if that's what's wrong with her now.
We're all resilient; but we do eventually break.
I keep thinking that maybe it's going to stop hurting some day, but I'm not sure it ever will. Each death on my hands, each person I don't protect enough, each is more blood on my hands and one more weight on the scales. I will hunt these people down, every last one of them, and I *will* extract justice from all of them. By my own hand, if possible. Killing them won't even the scales, but it will *stop* them.
And add in to that that I almost lost Gavião today. My heart leapt into my throat when I saw all the blood he was covered in.
How could I do this, if it weren't for him? He's the strongest of us, and without him we're so vulnerable. I know, I know, I'd figure out how to keep on, but it's hard enough as it is. I keep forgetting the odds we're up against, and how unlikely it is that any of us are going to live through this.
We came back to Madrid, to bury bodies and get Epona's children settled. Endraya said she'd take charge of the girl I think might have been broken--if anyone can help fix that, it's her.
And tomorrow, I need to go to Ireland. I need to meet the new headmistress for Ireland, which promises to be interesting, and there's a foal that I'm pretty sure I need to meet.
I wish I knew whether the dream I had about the plague was a past, present, or future. I wish I knew who was following me through my dreams.
And I wish I knew where the other four of Epona's children. Twenty-one total, six dead today, ten living and safe. There are four more that we don't know who or where they are. They could be anywhere.
And, of course, there's the one that I always know exactly where she is.
Galvin just came in, and I think I'm going to go to bed. The amulets are on the desk next to me. Surely whoever was following me last night wouldn't do that two nights in a row....
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