12/29/1347
Belfast, Ireland
Ireland is very, very green, even in the dead of winter. It's really rather pretty, honestly. The myths say that this was the birthplace of several of the gods (including Morrigan and Epona), and I can see why--this jewel box of an island has that old, old feel, like the very bones of the land ache.
It's also one of the most war-torn of European countries, which I think has as much to do with the temperament of the inhabitants as it being the birthplace of the gods.
I can't believe it's been just over a week since the Solstice. An entire lifetime seems to have passed by since then. I seem to be displaying talents I didn't know I had, like the ability to hold my temper even when I'm extremely angry.
We came here for a couple of reasons, the ostensible one being that the Headmistress I'd chosen for the Ireland post had gone and gotten the order involved in a full-blown war that we honestly can't afford right now. I chose her knowing that she'd taken over a Morrigan temple, but I'd also told her to give ground if she needed to-we can't afford a full-blown war at the moment.
Had I met her before I chose her, I'd have realized she has a tendency to think with her sword first and her brain later. What happened in Ireland is as much my fault as hers, and I'll never again choose a new Headmaster without meeting all of the candidates first.
(I keep making stupid mistakes. It's time to get smart about this, damnit.)
The Order of Morrigan was desperate to get the archives back, and I know why, now--in those archives was proof that the Order had ordered Arumaga's wife killed. If he decides to take my offer, there is nothing in this world or the next that will stop him from turning on them--and he will shake them to their foundations.
That depends on Arumaga, though.
Anyway, I met with Brena and I, Gavião, and Galvin were closeted with her. It was a bit touchy there, as had I given her the dressing down she so richly deserved I imagine I'd have gotten a taste of her temper in return.
It seems to be impossible to rise to a position of leadership in this order without that temper, actually. We all have it, though it's better controlled in some of us than others. Brena's isn't really well controlled, mine's better but still breaks through on occasion. If we have a major weakness, that's it--we think like horses, and we're all too willing to kick when hurt.
Most of what Brena had to tell me wasn't news--I knew Nabila was in Ireland, and I knew about the archives. After talking with her for a bit, I wanted to go meet the horse that Jacinda had brought back, the one I'd dreamed about two times. We went to the stables, and Gavião opted not to join us, which is something I really ought to have paid more attention to at the time. He went off to escort Niall, the extremely ineffectual bureaucrat that I'd assigned as Brena's political adviser, off to the nearest stone circle for a quick trip to Sweden. I'd written some new orders for him, as I'd decided that he'd been promoted beyond his ability.
I am now laughing at that assumption.
I met Dream, the dream wraith who's been sent to join us and protect me in my dreams. A knot of worry loosened in me when I found that out; I'd despaired of learning to control myself in my dreams quickly enough to avoid getting killed. While it's very useful to be able to see things in my dreams, I'm also extraordinarily vulnerable while I'm dreaming, as I found out the night before last. Jacinda also seems to be a good sort; very down-to-earth, the kind of cleric I wanted to be when I grew up, before my life got hijacked by the council.
(Knowing I was born for this doesn't help much, honestly. Just because I seem to be developing a knack for leadership doesn't mean I *like* it.)
We were coming back when there was an explosion from the temple. We all took off running; Galvin was the first there, sized up the situation (Niall running away, Gavião looking stunned and burnt), and proceeded to give Niall a "bloody good smack" as he said later. (And then wondered why I fell over laughing. Imagine that being said in a strong French accent, which Galvin still has. I realize he grew up around the English, but that just sounds *wrong*.) The rest of us followed up likewise, but nonfatally--we needed to figure out what was going on.
Turns out there was a reason nobody from our order had met the Irish Headmaster of Morrigan--he was undercover in our temple all this time!
One interrogation later, we were in possession of a lot of information the Order probably didn't want us to know, and Brena got to execute the man who killed her mother. While leaving him alive would have been a lot more fitting, we couldn't take the chance of him escaping.
And then things started happening very fast--there were more daggers of the kind that had exploded in Gavião's face. (Drow daggers, by the way. Did I really expect anything else?) We got rid of the ones in Brena's room, but there were more planted in the archive room--and they destroyed the archives utterly.
Except for one piece, which happened to be the one we really needed. Someone was watching out for us, I think. (When I think of how close we came to losing everything...)
I can go visit Arumaga, when he's back on the mainland. Should be two or three days, now. All I can do is show my hand and hope that three hundred and fifty years is indeed enough time for even the most stubborn of dragons to show signs of reason.
The rest of the day was spent rounding up the seven *other* spies that were in the Temple. I've still got blood under my fingernails. The more executions I do, the more I hate them. At least we didn't have to mind probe these.
Brena's been moved to the position of warleader under Elata, who's the mage who recently converted to Epona. She's not a strong cleric yet, but she's very intelligent and crafty, she has a few years on both me and Brena, and I think she'll be able to hold the situation over here together for a while longer, at least. She does look about twelve, but she seems to use this to her advantage. Brena expressed some doubts, but I told her, when she saw Elata work, to look past her looks and her manner for the person underneath. It took me a few minutes to see the real Elata, as well, and I knew what I was looking for.
Corison (Gavião's superior) is on his way with twelve hundred knights. That'll even up the odds, sure enough. I'm leaving Elata with a bloody mess to clean up, but at least she's not saddled with an advisor who's actively working against her best interest. Poor Brena did the best with what she was given, and I've gotten *that* lesson carved into my bones.
We've found out that Nabila's in Galway, a traditional Morrigan stronghold that evidently has been left mostly unguarded. There's also a very useful artifact evidently sitting in their basement, so tomorrow it's off to Galway to try and liberate it.
Another lesson for today: Morrigan plays dirty. I'm just about at the point where I'm willing to play dirty right back, if it helps keep my people safe. We have our own spies. It's time to wake the network.
Goodnight, diary. Hopefully, I'll live through tomorrow.
P.S. Talked to Gaius about what Belanus said. I'm not sure if I convinced him; Gaius is sometimes rather too straightforward for his own good. The only way we'll pull this off is by embedding the veriest kernel of falsehood in the middle of the truth.
I worry, if Gaius elects to follow my request, that I'll have sent him to his death. I understand that the risk has to be run, and if he fails then we may be doomed to fight this war for years, and they will win by attrition. And I have to trust that Gauis is capable of this.
Knowing that this may be the only way to even break even, much less win, isn't going to help me sleep any easier. And I can't talk to anyone about this--not Galvin, not Gavião, not anyone.
It's the first secret I've ever kept from Galvin or Gavião. I will close my eyes, I will forget. I will forget. I will forget.
12/30/1347
Galway, Ireland
The problem with dreaming about the future is that you don't get the context for a lot of things.
Like today, for example.
I'm piecing a lot of this together from what Riyor said. He went into the stronghold of Morrigan to try and retrieve the cloak while we waited in a bar at the base of the hill. Evidently, they were having a dinner for the generals of the Morrigan cadre. We expected Nabila to be there, but not all the rest.
Riyor was attempting to get into the room with the mantle in it, which required that he use his orb to turn off magic in the vicinity. Which, since that orb has a half-mile radius at the moment, alerted everyone that something weird was going on. Almost everyone thought they were being attacked from outside, and so they poured out of the castle, leaving us to fight them while Nabila and her father went to check out the basement of the castle.
Good for us, not so good for Riyor.
Nobody except Gaius had any idea that Riyor was in trouble, so when Galvin sounded the alarm we stayed outside and had us a merry old time fighting Morrigan clerics and warleaders. Including our erstwhile companion Idelle, who I believe Gavião took great pleasure in beheading. (Note to self: I am really glad Gavião's on our side. One usually does not fuck with him and survive.) Tamsin also evidently used the Ankh to make the river running through Galway flood, which helped with the sheer numbers we had to deal with.
There was a large explosion and I saw Gaius run inside, so I Sanctuaried and followed him. (It turned out later that Riyor, having been caught by Nabila's vampire father, had swallowed all six of the fireball potions he had on him, committing suicide in a rather spectacular manner. He had the ring of Ra on, but still! Another reminder to myself-never, ever corner Riyor. He's dangerous when you do that.)
I came in to see Gaius standing stunned and Nabila drawing a dagger to cut his throat. I fixed it so she couldn't touch him, and then she did something strange--she did that weird hand thing that monks do, the one that makes you shake yourself to death, and she reached out and touched something invisible against the wall.
And there was Strawberries, looking stunned and angry.
I suddenly remembered something from one of my dreams, Strawberries shedding bitter tears and flinging a handful of gems at the wall, the diamonds embedding themselves into the wall. Her sobbing, "Forever human..."
Time stood still for a long breath. The missing pieces fell into place. Riyor and his luck, the dragon who was always turning up in the exact right place at the right time, the game within a game that is the hallmark of one goddess and one goddess alone.
The goddess Aine had just been marked for death.
Time shuddered and began again.
Nabila smiled at us. "If you care for her, you'll let me go. I walk away and she lives. You attack me and she dies."
Riyor attempted to give Strawberries the Ring of Ra, but she told him that she needed an orb. He started to object, and I used that voice that seems to be coming to me more easily these days, the one that people obey without thinking. "Give her the orb, Riyor. Now." Then I turned and asked, "Can we trust you?"
Nabila just laughed at me.
I sighed. "Go, Nabila. Just go."
And it was at that moment that Gavião and the rest arrived.
Before I could speak, a gleeful look crossed Aiden's face and he hissed at Nabila. She staggered. "Got her!" he crowed.
And the battle was joined again. Tamsin attempted something--I wasn't sure what--but the spell failed. Aiden patted her on the arm. "Wait a second." He frowned at Nabila, who was being impeded in her attempt to stagger away by Gavião and Galvin. "Okay, try it again now."
Tamsin cast again.
And whooped as another form burst out of Nabila's. A camel stood in front of us. A very large, very grumpy-looking camel.
Why a *camel*? Tamsin is a very strange woman.
I turned to Strawberries, who was standing looking at the camel, the orb in her hand's internal light fluttering just a little. "You and I need to talk, I think. Later. We should get out of here, now."
Completely by accident, we appear to have single-handedly thrown the forces of Morrigan in Ireland into disarray. Nabila's death will hopefully even things out; with luck, we may get to retake some of the territory that we've lost. If we're really good, we can hold Galway, even. Idelle was evidently leading the Morrigan forces. Her death should mean that those under her kill each other in an attempt to determine who replaces her, at least for a few days.
We're unlikely to lose Ireland now. And if we win *here*....Morrigan has quite possibly overcommitted herself here; we may have less trouble with her armies than we've had for a while. It's almost tempting to strike back at her while she's at least a little weakened.
Not too tempting, though. As far as I know, Ireland's the only place where there's full-blown war between the sects--except for France, and we've lost France, for the moment. We're far fewer in number than Morrigan's people are, and we honestly cannot afford to fight a war on even one front, much less multiple fronts.
We've commandeered the top floor of an inn here for the night. Strawberries has been sitting in a chair in front of the fire, her knees drawn up to her chin, not speaking. I've been sitting writing and watching her and Riyor, on opposite sides of the room from each other. Riyor's been quiet, as well, even as the rest of us are happy about what seems to be a job well done. I won't even hazard a guess as to what's going on in either of their heads, tonight.
I wonder what, exactly, it is she sees in him? Possibly the same things I see glimmerings of, around the edges. A certain shine, something like a prophecy. The same thing that the others can probably see in me, sometimes. I wonder how much they know, and I wonder who's guessed the truth.
I'm not sure what's next. Probably back to Belfast in the morning to report to Elata about what happened today. Aine Strawberries basically placed all of her powers into that orb, which she still holds. We can find an artifact to sacrifice if she wants them back, but I don't think I'm going to be able to get a decision out of her on that tonight. I have a feeling that she may use this as a move in whatever deeper game she's playing.
It's odd; I feel like I should be upset about Idelle, since she was briefly a friend. Honestly, though, I like Arumaga better than I ever did her, and Arumaga's on the other side of this conflict. There's so much that falls away as we walk through these grey areas, so many things I cannot grieve over, not now, not yet.
This is how I learn to become what I was born to be. I am not strong, not yet; but neither am I the girl who watched that storm roll in over the ocean in October, the night we embarked on this journey into the shadows.
[splotches of ink here, as if her hand was trembling]
If I am strong, it is my bonds with these others that has made me this way.
And I have set a wyrm to gnawing at those.
I can only pray that the chances I am taking bear the fruit I hope they will. I am no Riyor, I have never been lucky like that.
But if I have any luck at all, I would burn it all here.
And pray that when everything is done, they forgive me.
Off to sleep. Goodnight, diary. Here's to hope.
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