12/27/1347

I've watched Callas do this journaling for a while now. I never before really felt the need to. I have always felt I had my feet firmly planted on the ground, and knew what I thought about things. I have always been a practical sort, and could rely on my own judgment under all circumstances. Today is different. Callas suggested that I start keeping a journal, because the sword, Excalibur the King's Sword, may be trying to effect my mind. At first I scoffed at this idea, then the sword started to do things, and Callas had a vision that seems not as far-fetched as it did at first. This morning I died, and that made me decide to stop procrastinating and write. The idea sis that if my attitudes vary wildly over time, I or Callas, or perhaps Corson, can look herein and tell if the sword is impacting me. This is a frightening idea, both the sword effecting my mind, and the idea of someone else, even the only two people I really trust, reading that I am afraid. I surely hope it doesn't to that. If it does though, I'll be past caring.

I faced Arumaga, the very wily white dragon today. I would have stopped fighting him to save Callas, but she had saved herself. I had no real excuse to not continue the battle. That is what Knights of the Light are for, fighting Great Evil, especially in dragon-form. So I decided "OK, Excalibur's scabbard will not let me die until the battle is over. I will surely die then, but the sacrifice will be worth it." I got the ring from Riyor as well, so there was a chance for a second chance at life, if the item functioned as predicted. I did die and the battle was not over. I wonder what went wrong? Did Excalibur decide I needed a good talking to, for not being Regal-minded enough? Did the ring somehow cancel out the power of the scabbard? I just don't know. But the dark demon spawn, Arumaga escaped me, by slaying me very thoroughly. I'm glad he didn't murder the rest of the party while he was at it.

On the one hand, I'm getting rather tired of all the intrigue and bloodshed. But on the other hand, is this not the purpose for which I became a Knight? To right the wrongs, to stand up for the powerless, to try to fight some of the injustice I was exposed to as a lad? Yes, it is. I am only truly tired of it because I don't want those I care for to get hurt and killed and hardened like clay pots in the ovens of Hell. Poor Callas. She thinks I see her as a child but I never have. I have always thought her wise beyond her years, though innocent, but never naïve. She didn't have a chance to be naïve, or to think the world was fair, because the world started kicking her in the shins, as it did me, at an early age. Some of her innocence has been battered away now, as life does. I am glad she is taking a lover now. It isn't write for a young woman to have to take on the burdens she has had to and have none of the joys. While she may end up getting her heart broken, either by this man getting killed in our highly dangerous mission, or just by the normal slings and arrows of Aine. I think it will be worth it though. She needs arms to hold her, and small joys and physical pleasure to provide some release.

Goddess knows I could use some of the same release. In fact, I find myself attracted to the Alpha bitch werewolf, Jainus. This is rather embarrassing for a Knight to be attracted to a child of the night. But she is strong and a leader and as clever as any wolf or woman I have encountered. My sword called her. That was a bit symbolic, in my opinion. After all I try very hard not to think with my sword. Ah well, these times are busy, and I must be vigilant. I don't have time to indulge, because someone has to guard. She would make a fine Queen though, would Jainus. Not one of those weak-willed sycophants Kings usually avail themselves of.

But I digress. On the other hand, this is what I was born to do, fight evil. What greater evil can there be than plagues to wipe out humanity and those who would slay the Gods and set themselves in their place? I can think of none.

I turned 29 a couple of days ago. Today I woke up from the sleep of the dead (literally) with a new resolve. I will win this. I will see that as many of my friends come through it as I can, but I must win this at all costs. I never wanted to be King, I never wanted great power over men. But the means for getting that has come to me as a gift from the Gods. If that is what it will take to defeat these monsters, than that is what I must do. No matter the sacrifice, and no matter what my personal feelings and aspirations may be. So Mote it Be.

Gavião Nobre, Knight of the Light, Captain Paladin of the Knights Templar of Her Holy Order of Epona